Bombay Anthologies

#1

The images past my train’s window changed
deserted lands giving way to exploited ones
stations went by as if the train was ignoring them
stations, with names showing a greater range 
of possibilities than life
outside, the madness was evident from 
the swarms of faces showing 
a multitude of expressions
the randomness of movements gave
an illusion of a harmonic symmetry
making my eyes twinkle 
the city, I sensed, saw 
it through the glass
and our fates intersected 
both welcoming the change

#2

My hair was revolting against 
the incoming fury of air
water, born just to bow down
tripped down my eyes
my clothes were making noise
grunting against the slaughter
my hand held the rod
tighter now
as the speed increased
the sound of its mighty horn
was heard across the seas 
I saw another one coming towards me
my body was giving up now
my mind, though, in vertigo
felt peace 
it slowed down
the warriors’ strength decreasing 
the commons’ increasing
and I parted with the rod 
both mourning as lost lovers

THE OTHER SIDE

The other side, are you listening? You cannot come and go as you like. You cannot manipulate me to do devilish deeds. You cannot render all my thoughts obsolete. You cannot break me into bits and pieces and then expect me to be complete, again. You cannot take me away to a faraway land when each and every conscious cell in my body wants to stay. You sadist!,  planting seeds of aggression and violence in my mind and making me watch while they grow into dark trees. 

The switch to the other side is spontaneous, similar to thinking. It is really beautiful how our minds work, with billions of thoughts fighting each other to see the light of consciousness. You have programmed my mind to make some thoughts win, always. You have controlled my mind like heroin controls the desires of addicts. You make me do things whose guilt I have accumulated for years. Happiness is a state of mind, people believe; you treat it as a thought which can always be discarded by others. I am happy now, I want to say but you laugh as if I cracked a joke. You are me and I am you, both inseparable like people in love. I could say you are the most powerful magnet and I am iron but I know the attraction is far higher. You are as sinister as they come, even the most cruel personalities bow down to you. Can’t you find another muse?, can’t you care?, can’t you let me breathe for once? and can’t you leave as bad habits eventually do? 

I have a beautiful life here, I don’t want to move between here and there. You know how painful it is for me to return? Think of a million people using all their strength to hold you back and you are moving in the opposite direction, think of a moth running away from light, even though it is his biggest desire, think of a fish moving away from water to live on land, think of a lover handing over the hand of his beloved into some other hand, and think of a mother killing her son herself; think of these and a thousand others and combine them. My pain is higher. 

I am loved and am in love. Is it so difficult to comprehend? When I am in you all I am is a body bereft of soul and emotions, a body capable of only hurting and not caring. I will be alone, all alone eventually. This is what you want, right? I think this is what you need to take full control over me. Try all you want, try all you need. I made a promise, a promise that was heard even by you, a promise sacred than the holiest places out there, a promise which inspires me to live, and a promise which will overshadow all your darkness.

Get lost, the promise says.

CLICHES

Cliché

I hate cliches, I really do

I hate it to the extent of loving it

Missing you, is what someone said

Cliched thought, I thought

Unique feeling, I concluded

I miss you too, I replied

No other word came to me, my gigantic palace was empty

Cliche I used, Cliche I had

Missing your voice, missing the pause you take between words,missing your smell, missing your lips, missing your crooked nose,missing your perfect eyebrows, missing your hair, missing your lust,missing your laugh, missing your silence, missing your wisdom,missing your touch, missing your walk, missing your soul,I could have added, yet refrained

Missing you is all I could tell

Feel like hugging you, she said once

I would want that, I naively reacted

I want to hold you between my arms, lift you high to match my eyes,kiss you passionately till the world ended, look into your eyes even thoughI can’t, blow air from my mouth to see your hairs playing mischievously

 I could have reacted, yet I was scared

Cliches trigger a set of emotions that is extraordinary,unlike the word itself

Cliches are important, I realised

Oh! what I could have said, what I could have done

Cliches created the impact, emotions destroyed it

My feelings are cliched now, some cliches are becoming special

Universe is behaving the wrong way, again a cliche I infer

I want to be left alone, a cliche I add to the previous one

Cliches define the world, a cliche to end this cliched epiphany

My Superpower

Initially when the ‘effects’ kicked in, I was not able to hear anything; a pin-drop silence surrounded me, a silence that teachers dream of in their classrooms. After a couple of minutes (could be less!), my hearing started to come back, but it was different. I could hear from the quietest to the loudest sounds and able to differentiate between them at the same time, an occurrence that was novel to me. In fact, I could switch from hearing one thing to another in a split of a second. I could blur a sound and focus on one, similar to the way images are clicked in a digital camera. I was alone and was somewhere peaceful in the outskirts of my city, I thought. But reality kicked in faster than the ‘effects’ when my friend patted me on the back. I was standing in the middle of a road, thankfully, on a divider. Have you lost it? my friend reacted. I thought I heard something, I replied lamely. He escorted me back to the side of the road where our ride was parked. For me, crossing the road was nothing less than doing crazy stunts in a Jackie Chan movie. The relief when I crossed the road was unmatched. I tried to concentrate on the sounds again, worried that I had lost my superpower among all this unnecessary travelling (crossing a road was like travelling to some other place). I could still differentiate between the sounds and blur them to my requirements. Yes!, I cried.

I was eager to decipher other powers that I might have gained. Once I found myself sitting in my friend’s car (the ride!), my thoughts drifted towards music.  I wanted to listen to music the moment I discovered my superpower, the reason being that I wanted to know what would happen if I was exposed to coordinated sounds (a song maybe) instead of uncoordinated ones (such as that on the middle of the road). A known bollywood song blasted through the speakers once I switched on the car’s music system. Result of exposure to that song was overwhelming. I could imagine each and every instrument playing simultaneously.  Such was the level of my involvement that I could imagine how the singer would have sung that song by placing myself in his shoes. I was not in the car anymore, I transported to a recording studio with musicians playing their piece and me singing my heart out. I looked through the glass of the studio to see the reaction of my music director but instead of him nodding to my flawless singing, I saw a cow crossing the road while our car stood still. I was transported back to reality and the glass I looked through was of the car’s front and not of the recording studio. I switched off the music out of the fear that I might never return to reality if exposed again. I narrated this incident to my friend who was on the driver’s seat. Instead of finding my story frivolous he listened intently and after I had completed my narration, he told me his own version of how he believed that the car was flying.We laughed, thinking how stupid we might sound to anyone else.

Suddenly out of nowhere I had the strongest urge to eat. I conveyed my feelings of hunger to my friend who reciprocated with the same feeling. We rushed to the nearest dhaba and ate like the world was going to end. The effects were decreasing, I could sense that. After we finished eating my superpower was gone. I was no longer a mutant.

Let me rewind back a little. What did I take in the beginning?

What all Do I have now?

Childhood

I questioned everything in my childhood. Not that I don’t raise questions now, the degree and nature of questioning was surely higher and abstract respectively when the amount of responsibility on my shoulders was less. You see today I don’t have time to invest in these trivial questions. Back to my childhood, I was always curious about everything. Why did it happen like that?, what will happen when I do this rather than that?, why does the sun have to set so that night could come?, why do I am the one who always has to go out to bring sweets for guests and not my sister?, what happens when someone dies?, why do I have to save my head when someone dies?, why can’t girls looking like Madhuri Dixit found in streets beside my home? were some of the million questions that reverberated in my mind. I heard from someone that a scientist is the one who finds answers to all unanswered questions. So, I wanted to be a scientist; this way I could get rid of all the noises in my head and be at peace. Then again what would a child know about peace? There is a song in a movie called Rock on! which goes like this: aasman hai neela kyun, paani geela geela kyun, gol lyun hai zameen? which translates roughly to: Why is the key blue?, why is water wet?, why is earth round?. I think this phase of my existence can be linked up to this song.
I could make friends easily, used to play a lot, and ate a lot. I liked talking a lot, talking about anything as long as my hunger for curiosity was satisfied. Then I turned silent. I joined School.

School

The questions were decreasing as my age was increasing. Logic took over imagination, reasoning took over creativity, and shrewdness took over innocence. My father told me repeatedly that education shapes a person’s character, and so I walked on the road illuminated by him. My father is a very wise man, I knew that from the moment I added the word ‘wise’ into my vocabulary. Convincing my father of my capabilities was my utmost priority; so I behaved like an obedient, studious, and hardworking child behaves. I excelled in academics and sports and stayed away from abusive seniors, pretty girls and night outs. I was doing the right thing, I thought. My teachers were singing songs of my praise, parents were urging their sons/daughters to be like me and my father was happy. I had crushes but ignored them because being in a relationship was a taboo for me. What would my father think?, how will I convince him that my hormones took over my thinking?. These were the only questions that echoed in my mind. I lived my school life without living it. If a song is used to represent this phase of my existence it has to be sari umra hum mar mar ke jee lie, is pal to ab hame jine do jine do which translated to all my life I have been living like I am dying, let me live this moment, from the movie 3 idiots. My monotonous life was about to change. College was next in line.

College

 Ah!, when I think of college I can not help but smile ear to ear. What days those were. Initially, my morals, ethics, and values were so strongly induced in me that college was another school. A point of note here, I am not criticising my father for raising me up that way; in fact I am grateful to him because I am who I am because of him, I respect him immensely and will learn from him till my dying breath. Now back to my blabbering. The most difficult thing that I did in college was not learning electrical machines, or writing code, it was letting go; letting go of all the stereotypes that had grown in my mind all these years. No, talking and hanging out with girls is not bad, no, laughing and making jokes about your friends involving a little amount of profanity is not blasphemy, no, the word ‘sex’ is not like the word ’voldemort’ which cannot be uttered loudly in open, and no, failing in exams is not the end of the world. I completely let go. College transformed me from a confused and scared child to an outspoken and rebellious adult. So the song for this part of my life has to be from a movie very close to my heart ,i.e, Udaan; the song is aazadiyan (look it up, no amount of translation can do justice of the beautiful poetry that this song has) 

So, what all do I have now?

I have experiences that are engraved in the nerves of my brain and will cease to go until I have Alzheimer’s , an attitude which I could only dream of when I was in school, and most of all confidence.

I also have an iPhone, a macbook air and a library of books but who cares?

RAIN OH RAIN, BLESS ME WITH THY POWER!

Why do people own umbrellas?

This is a question that reverberates in my mind every time I see someone escaping the heavenly drops under a man-made cover. Take for instance last week, I saw a kid using an umbrella to escape from the tears that the cloud shed.

Kids are meant to enjoy the rain, play until tired and then play again, and conduct races with paper boats. When I saw that kid walking silently with face full of sadness, I realized that it was not her primary choice. I wanted to yell at her parents but my sanity overcome the worst of me. Aren’t we supposed to embrace the rains, the beautiful and heartwarming rains whose droplets create a symphony even Mozart would have appreciated?

As an engineer let me conduct an analysis of rains. It is very difficult for me to stay unbiased as I am in love with them but I will try my best to outline the benign as well as malign effect of rains.

Coming to the points in favor; the first one that strikes my mind is a cliche, i.e., 'petrichor'.

You are travelling on a road when you realize that the clouds are giving up on you, they are no longer illuminated by the lights of your beloved Sun, and instead they have turned dull as if someone has opted for a different color option for them.  The Sun, like I said, is nowhere to be seen and has cowardly hidden to prevent itself from the wrath the clouds are to deliver. Just then a tiny insignificant droplet falls on your face acting as a cue to hide yourself. You, then, hide underneath a shed only to encounter bliss. The bliss you realize is coming from the soil underneath you. The first droplets have created something magical once they touched the ground. They created PETRICHOR.

The second one is 'peace'. 

After getting out of the trance of smelling God's scent, you suddenly realize that the downpour has increased. You quickly shift from the edge of the shed to its center so that you don't get wet. Suddenly, out of the blue, you have an epiphany; all the noises have ceased and the only sound you hear is of the water being splashed as it hits the ground. All the background music has stopped and you are an audience of a single instrument being played. You fell different, you have never felt so isolated before, you are in complete PEACE with yourself. You are high, high on peace. You go into trance yet again thinking of memories that were buried deep inside you and could not see the light of the day due to your mind's preoccupation with mundane routine, the routine acting as an evil and disintegrating your mind slowly. You think of your first love, your first heart-break, your parents, your friends and finally of the direction in which your life is headed.

But then, I don't know about you; this, according to me, is the ultimate PEACE of mind not corrupted by malign.

The third one is 'expressing yourself'.

After having experienced petrichor and peace, you no longer want to stay confined in your shed; you want to run and feel the droplets falling on your face, you want to love again, you want to dance until your legs give up, you want to sing your heart out even if you suck at it. 

This my friend is 'expressing'. Expressing yourself when you are alone is the first step to express yourself to others. You need to be in love of yourself, to appreciate yourself and to appreciate solitude in order to acknowledge someone or something.

You realize that you have changed after the incident. The rain has stopped and you come out of your shed (pun intended) and proceed to where ever you were going but this time with a wide grin on your face and a changed perception towards life in your mind.

Whoa!!!! Finally an end to the points supporting rain.

Coming back to the analysis of points in opposition, I lied.

I just cant see any ill effects of rains. I am so attached to it that I cannot look at rains as an outsider.

There are floods due to rains, crops gets destroyed and many more. But I prefer to look away.

Love is blind, someone has said. 

RAIN, keep blessing me with your power till I end, keep teaching me something different every-time we have our little encounters and keep dirtying me till I learn to clean myself.

POETRY, Where were you?

Its been a very long time since I wrote poetry, seems like ages ago. I really wanted to write something, something reflecting my inner feelings. So here is a try, for I am an amateur: 

Every time I look up from my office's chair, I see the outside world through the inside windows

It is surreal, unlike anything I have ever seen

It's the same mundane world, my friend says
Just sit on my chair and look through my eyes, I react

He dismisses my frivolity with a smirk, while I succumb to my seriousness with a bleak smile

I see the sun shining brightly, with each ray enlightening my eyes with wisdom, bringing hope for freedom

Only I can look through your soul, he remarks
I am taken aback, but happily give myself to the Sun to devour

He claims to show me the future
Oh yes! the future
A good one you suppose
Well, I don't know for my eyes see nothing;only darkness prevails

Don't pity me, don't judge me, I shout
Leave me alone for I am a seeker of solitude

Why are you still looking at me?
Just Go away!
I am not used to be looked at by anyone

I am in a theater, I think, with everyone maneuvering my each step
The world is a stage, someone has said

But I don't want to perform!
I don't want to play anyone other than self

Suddenly, I snap back to reality, with the sun gone, nowhere to be found
I then hear a familiar voice in my head

Let the show begin!