Have I turned into a Saint of sorts???

Have I turned into a Saint of sorts???

Have you ever wondered how your life would have turned around had you taken some other path? Have you ever given a second(or say third or fourth) thought to all decisions you make? Have you ever paused for a moment to ask yourself -"Is this what I want or what I need?"

This is me pausing for a moment to think, to reflect what I have become and what I should have become. After 21 years of self repenting in the name of education, morals and values I have come to realize that among the cacophony of people and things in your life, bliss lies in solitude. Solitude brings out the real you, the inner self of you, as philosophers say.

It gives you the space, the time needed to discover yourself, to unlock your inner treasures and to pacify yourself.

What has gotten into me? Till yesterday I was a "normal", happy to go person writing poetry, enjoying music and doing what needs to be done. What am I now? What am I yammering about? Turning all philosophical overnight. Had I dreamed of a sage teaching me values and morals, describing me the concept of inner peace? OR had something unknown  planted this idea in me?  

I don't know! I am still the same person who loves to write, to sing , to socialize yet I have changed, adding to the list of paradoxes my own one(Perhaps among the very few not involving time travel!).From my childhood I had loved to travel, to explore places and as I had grown and developed a sense of good and bad, I decided for my self that befriending strange people does not always turn out to be bad.(I thus turned out be an extrovert, making friends easily). This side of me my 'real' side was overshadowed by my 'virtual' side- "a side focused to do what's needs to be done at the time so that I will be lifted higher in this world, giving a true meaning to this life, as parents would say!". This is my 'real' side talking, working very hard to keep the other side dormant at this moment. As a person of this side, unbounded by constraints of achievements, I will still love to travel, to explore, to befriend strangers, even fall in love with someone someday.

I hope my other side is asleep and doesn't wake to find about the treacherous plot my 'real' side is plotting against it, how my 'real' side is trying to overcome my 'virtual' one with ideas of inner peace, love and solitude, because if that happens a war is in order and I know for now which side is the weaker one and will give up first.

So hoping that it doesn't go 'that' way, I am trying to be as quiet as possible while thinking of these ideas so that loudness of my thoughts does not wake my virtual reality and at the same time I am strengthening my 'real' reality so that when war is inevitable it wins.

We all have something to do in our lives, realizing it is the most difficult task. Now after the realization part I find doing it extraordinarily hard. But I will do it; I will travel, explore and also preach whenever necessary.

I will........